eriatarka23’s blog

It's been quite some time since I have introduced myself to the world; but is the world really looking at my blog? Probably not, but for the few of you who are coming onto my pages, are realizing I am still a Newbie, My name is Erica (and I am open to any suggestions you may have).

Since my last entry, nothing really has changed.  Well, maybe that is not entirely true.  As I had mentioned previously, I was going crazy at my old college and I have successfully transfered to URI (University of Rhode Island).  Things so far are going pretty good.   I am living at home and I can some what control my life and the living conditions I create, compared to being in a 2x4 room sharing it with two complete neurotics.  However, things haven't been so peachy keen since I have returned home. 

After finishing my exams, my boyfriend came from Ohio to Rhode Island for a little while to spend a part of Christmas with my family.  I have to say, my family adores Matthew, which is some what new for me.  It seems that they like him more than me!  But, it was really hard to say goodbye when he had to leave on Christmas Eve.  That parting sort of left me feeling a bit like a grinch, but none of the less, I can say it was quite relieving that last year.  Last year I had experienced the worst Thanksgiving and Christmas due to an ex; you can't have two holiday disasters!!! And it made my whole 2007, even more shitty.  But, this Thanksgiving and Christmas was amazing, its just sad to see him go.  Once Matt left, I was able to concentrate more on what was coming ahead--my surgery.

Yes, I said surgery.  No, nothing life threatening, but it does cause some burdens.  I was going to have a breast reduction, which took a long time for me to "mentally" prepare for this drastic change.  For the longest time, I have always had larger breasts than the rest of the girls in my elementary class.  When they were anticipating wearing a bra, I was already in a b size cup; and this was in the fourth grade!  Now, I have to let you all know, I am not obese, judging by my pictures, but for some reason I seem to gain my weight on my upper body (meaning my boobs).  I am sure, all you readers are like, "what the hell are you complaining about?"  Well, what you don't know, is that they cause serious risks to my health and my well being.  I have always been in constant attention from perverted old men, to perverted guys my own age.  Never once have I been looked at as, " she is really sweet, sincere, and smart".  Instead I am known as "the girl with big tits".  I also used to be really active.  I used to play sports like soccer and gymnastics, but over the years I just couldn't do it any more.  And I am sure all you girls out there reading this post are like, " Damn, I wish I had that problem", but honestly... you don't.  I have spent the last 10 years suffering from all sorts of things.  And recently, it has affected my decisions about prom, other dances, concerts, swimming, going to the beach, and now even going to the mall.  A past time of mine was shopping, and I said past time because I fucking hate it.  I hate it because we live in a society which tells you that you must HAVE large breasts, and yet, at the stores, where are those shirts and dresses to fit those of us who do have extremely large breasts and smaller waists?  I have gain weight over the years. Nothing drastic, but have gained weight in hopes that maybe I would fill out.  Well I haven't and even the plus size clothes don't cater to big breasts.  So, where do I turn? 

Imagine yourself with a wife, girlfriend, sister, yourself, or friend (whatever); and having to see the ordeal that they go through (or you go through) to find clothing that fits your breasts, in a culture where most people have tiny breasts.  Its just all too ironic that this culture, as stated above, states that people should have larger breasts, doesn't have anything to cater to woman who do.  I am not big enough to be considered "Plus Size" and yet I can't fit into the shirts of simple stores like Macy's and such.  So where do I buy my clothes?  I suffer by wearing larger t-shirts that make me look like I have gained 20 pounds because of my chest.  And, I did mention about prom, let me get to that point.  When I was in high school I never really wanted to go to the dances because that would mean dress shopping, and that was extremely painful for me.  Even though I could fit into a size 6 dress or possibly smalled, my top was too big that I had to shop in a size 13 or 16 (much bigger than I really am!).  I always had to have the "ugly" dresses, and not the one I really wanted.  Bathing suits? I never could wear the bikini or tankini that I wanted. Always a one piece that made me look  like I had thunder thighs and were really ugly.  I haven't bought new clothes in months because I am just, almost, ashamed of the way my body looks with these two huge sacks.  None of the less, I was going to fix the problem of my breasts and back pains, with this surgery.

However, because I am 18 and I am still insured under my parents until I am 23 years old (and still enrolled in college), I was under my father's health care insurance.  Now, I was scheduled for surgery on the 15th and four days before, my father called me up to tell me his company shut down and everyone had lost their job along with the benefits.  Now, it was a sticky situation that really isn't anyones business but my families and such, but, I was not able to have the surgery on the day it was scheduled for... and I have to be patient and wait for another opportunity.  Big downer because, in some ways, my boobs were always a security thing.  It was a part of me that was going to be taken away and I would have to go through pain and time of healing (not to mention scars), and getting used to being "lighter".

Now, because I was in college without having a car, I couldn't have a real job that demanded me to be there everyday.  So I had work study in which I could only make an alloted amount of money within a certain period of time and it wasn't even close to a lot.  But, when I left school and transferred, there was an opportunity for me to have a job, and yet I wasn't looking for one because I was having surgery.  I was pissed off because I was draining a lot of my money, and having to pay for school and such... it was beginning to get too much for me to handle.  However, I just got a job at Barnes & Noble, and can I say I am really excited?

I start in about another week or so, and I just can't wait for another fresh start, and obviously more money in my pocket!  My new school is going great, I am liking my classes and I am almost done with my undergrad.  I was extremely luck to get a head start on college and I am hoping to take some summer classes in order to expedite graduation, and off to more schooling :(

Matt plans to come back to Rhode Island in March so we can start looking at areas we want to either purchase a home or rent an apartment in. Currently he is in Georgia doing a couple of small jobs that the corporation he works for has sent him on.  He is staying there for two weeks and has put in almost 150 hours so far. Yeah, he's exhausted, but making good money! I guess he is my sugar daddy for right now :) I failed to mention, that I also received a promise ring from the fella, and have been talking about after I graduate and start either med or grad school, to get married.  If I don't count the break up I had with him for a year or so, we would be together for six years, and I'm the type of gal who knows what she wants.  Spare me,  the "I'm too young" bullshit, I'm a psych major none of the less, I can figure and analyze things out for myself :)

Anyway, I hope that even though this is a late reply to the New Year, that everyone did have a wonderful transition...

Plan to hear back from me soon!

I'm moving out of the dorms tonight.  It kind of sucks because I have to study for the rest of my exams, and I will not be able to this weekend.  

Luckily for me, I only have two exams and then I am done for the rest of the semester.  I decided that Roger Williams is not the place for me.  Maybe its because I got landed the two most annoying girls on my floor, and over all I am not a stuck up bitch...

I feel bad for putting such things about people, but at the same time, it is what it is.  I am not just yet in the Christmas spirit-- I don't know, maybe putting Christmas trees up in department stores around August kinda spoil it.  I have one aunt who insists on playing Christmas music in the middle of July.  Can I just say how un-neccesary that is to do such things?

I won't get into Christmas until the day before Christmas Eve.  It isn't the same anymore when you are a kid and you are anticipating Santa Claus and his flying reindeer.  I somehow at 18 still want to believe in Santa Claus so the excitement never dies down.  After my parents had gotten a divorce, we all moved into my grandparents house, minus my father.  Shortly after that, my grandfather died, and three months later, Christmas was here.  I was in third grade and despite everyone telling me there was no such thing as Santa, I still believed in him.  I figured that kids just said it because Santa never woke them up, even after the children sent letters requesting that it was their only Christmas wish.  But, to my sadness, I couldn't sleep that night, and I went downstairs for a glass of water, and I saw my mother  with CVS bags stuffing my stocking... Even though she insisted that Santa dropped it off and she was just doing him a favor because he had a lot of stuff to do; I knew the truth...

Well, hopefully I will make it alive and will be able to post some time soon!

A lot has been going on, and I just wanted to mention that I didn't forget so soon about VOX.  I just haven't had the time this week to really write anything interesting enough to blog.

Well, because I am still new in this whole little community, I should go on and be a bit conceited about myself.  I told you before in my last entry that I am a freshmen in college.  But I guess what I failed to mention was, I am also a bit ahead of the game.  During my senior year of high school, I did a year of college, so technically I am a sophomore--but who needs to brag?  I still have med school!

I have an interesting life, yet its too complicated to write it all down.  You'd have to take a month off work and constantly watch my blog in order to get the 18 years worth.  But, maybe I can condense it all for you right now.  I am one of six children, I have two fish and a hermit crab, I do have a boyfriend, my parents have been divorced since I was 8, I have had a lot of traumatic experiences when I was a kid, I live to be spontaneous, I hate time, I love art, I like to be a book worm, I am far to complicated at times, I was very close to my grandfather but he passed away around the same time my parents divorced, I do in fact have an evil stepmother, and... maybe this is too complicated.

Over the past year, how bout that?  I have gone under a lot of stress and a bit of a heart ache.  I've always been that girl who I have never been rejected before.  I was always the one to break the hearts of the very few young fella's I have dated.  I say few because, at 18 how many true boyfriends can I have?  I was dating my current boyfriend for about two or three years, when something happened; I fell in love with one of my best friends.  That relationship with my best friend lasted for two years.  I don't know what about that relationship that still makes me enraged, but... it currently still bothers me and its been a year.  Maybe its because the way it happened, or why it was caused.... Or simply, maybe because it wasn't on my own terms.  Yeah, as your probably guessed, Mike did cheat on me.  I'll use his real name--sure! There are millions of Mikes in this world that I doubt I'm targeting one specific person.  If I were to post up a picture of the damn bastard--that'd be a different story.  Back to what I was saying, Mike did cheat on me with a girl he went to college with.  It was inevitable that I am sure it wasn't bound to last, yet the girl he was with had nothing on me, so why leave?  

If I showed you a picture of her and me, you'd wonder for hours.  But, that is not the point, and I won't get into the point of why I think he did it.  He had his own reasons, and I have to remember it happened all for a reason.  I am currently back with my real boyfriend Matt.  Matt lives about 10 hours away, and how do we keep the love going?  Phone, trips, and online.  In this point in my life, I am willing to do the long distance thing.  Matt is several years older than I, and we both have school going on.  The distance doesn't bother me because he is less of a distraction, and I am able to concentrate on my future.  However, I am telling you right now, I don't know if I could do this for too long, luckily its only for half a year more.

I am excited for this next week to blow over, on Friday (last day of finals), Matt will be waiting for me in my house.  I am really excited because about two or three weeks ago he was here.  He got an internship offer at Texas Instruments, so he is moving there for about 9 months.  I might visit, but the last experience I had in Texas, I rather take a rain check...
 

Btw, its Thursday, and I'll continue what that group tradition and post up a picture...

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The first journal entry...  Just listen to it, and I guess read...

 It's not like I am going to have many readers, but who the hell knows.  I suppose one must start off in the beginning and explain who they are.  But what if I don't know who I am? 

I suppose I could start off with the basics.  My name is Erica Pereira and I am a freshman at Roger Williams University.  I have lived in Rhode Island all my life, and have never really wanted to move away.  I suppose I did at one point in time, but I realized that Rhode Island is sorta central to the places I like--Boston, New York City, and some parts of Connecticut.

I can be extremely indecisive at times, and really unorganized.  I have no concept of time, and I easily forget.  Elmo has always been my hero, what can I say?  I suppose I am rather creative at times, but you have caught me at the worst moment.  I some how don't know what to write on here about myself, or introduce myself to all of you.  Mainly I think its because there is so much more to me than written words, but also actions and facial expressions that you can not see behind a monitor.

I guess I can tell you my future plans... This I am positively sure of.  I am declared as premed majoring in Psychology.  I plan on going to Med school but I have no idea where yet.  Hopefully I will make it and become a psychiatrist... its been my dream since I was eight years old. I don't know why exactly, I guess I just liked talking to people and giving them advice.  I suppose it wasn't until I was older that I just was dying to work with the mentally ill.

Hopefully tomorrow things will be better and we can just forget this little post was even written.